Except for a vacation and a few short deployments (a total of 8 weekends) I have been going to my parents’ house at least one weekend day each week since October 2003. Even after my mother died, I continued to do this as I cleaned out the house so the workers could get in there to paint and install new carpet.
Today, for the first time in almost 14 years, I did not go over there and I’m not sure if I feel relief, sad or glad; relief at having more time, sad that I can no longer visit with mom or glad that mom is no longer “imprisoned” in a failing body.
I felt similar conflicting thoughts when my fiancee died, so I guess this is normal. No matter what, this is not something I want to go through again..but we have no choice.
I did not make it over to the cemetery to place mom’s wedding bouquet on their grave markers. It was so breezy this morning that they would have blown away before I could have taken a picture. So, maybe next weekend.
I did make use of the extra time by making sourdough bread. This is the first time in many months I have done this. The bread just came out of the oven and the house smells wonderful. My wife just sliced a piece and pronounced it “wonderful”…music to my ears.
The 2nd use of my time was cleaning out my dresser of no longer worn (or never worn) clothes. In my job, manufacturers and engineering services firms drop by lots of shirts with their company logos embroidered on them. I rarely wear them, and I just stick them in the dresser until I begin to have to really squeeze the stuff into the drawers.
Now that the dresser “load” has been reduced I will be able to get my clothes into the “new” dresser. New and old are backwards this time. The new dresser dates to 1959 and was used by my parents. The old dresser was put together in 2015. The 1959 dresser is made from solid maple and is beautiful. The 2015 dresser is pressed board covered with wood looking “paper”. It looks OK, but not as nice as the maple.